In for the Long Haul

Three weeks in another country can seem like a lifetime. It can even feel suffocating to acknowledge the fact that you have made this decision yourself, to leave all those that you love behind. For what? Adventure? To experience another culture? To learn a new language? Or even because you tell yourself that you are looking for something? But what is that something that you are looking for after all?


As I begin my fourth week here in Jordan, these are the questions that I have wrestled with for the past twenty-odd days. My first two weeks here in country were full of the orientation events that one would expect to take place when beginning a new college program. However I, of course, did not take these into consideration in anticipation to my trip. 
"Jordan? Oh yeah, I've been there before," I said to myself as I walked through the security checkpoints in ATL's Hartsfield-Jackson airport, having said a tearful goodbye (you killed me, dad) to my family. Knowing that I would have plenty of wonderful, new experiences in a country that I loved, I did not expect the transitions that I would face in my first two weeks here. Have no doubts: I LOVE it here. The difficulties that I have faced since I have been here have been completely unrelated to Jordan, the culture, the people, or even the language barrier. I failed to take into consideration the fact that I was basically starting college over. A whole new school- encompassing a larger campus, different professors, and new comrades. My first two week were an adjustment. But have no fear, I believe I can confidently say: my feet are set. And I am here. I'm here to stay. 


So, considering those questions that I have been asking myself, did I leave my loved ones behind? Of course.
Did I come to Jordan- seeking adventure, attempting to become Bedouin myself, and hopefully to learn as much Arabic as possible? Without a doubt.
And lastly, am I looking for something, here in Amman, in the bustling city and in the vast desert? Absolutely. 


But I have come to this overarching conclusion that rises above all of my fears, doubts, and joys: I am here to ask just these questions and more. And to seek out their answers. I am here to learn about myself and the world around me. 


Regardless of the insecurities that I once had, it is refreshing to walk outside of my small two bedroom apartment, look around, and know that this is where I belong.


At least where I belong for the time being...until I find somewhere else to wander off and ask questions. 








Oh, and as I said, the Bedouin lifestyle is definitely for me: